The following are my notes on the past year since becoming a father.

They should serve me as a snapshot of my thoughts, and hopefully as a source of joy later in life as I get to re-read them. I hope that you find some value in them too, and that reading them provides you with some clarity on what that process has been like for me.

Purpose

Prior to becoming a father, I used to worry and stress about things that were in hindsight not important at all. I’m not going to stress that I forgot to actually load the luggage into the taxi after a 10-hour flight, there was nothing important in it.

We have a saying in the Balkans that says “šta se mora, nije težko”, which roughly translates to “what must be done, is not hard”. I find it fitting, because it symbolizes sacrifice and work, no question asked. When my son wakes up at 3 AM and my wife has been handling him all night, you do what you have to do. There is only one priority now, and that is to stay healthy and provide for my family.

Sleep

Purpose helps, but sleep deprivation is what everyone is afraid of. Perhaps we are lucky, but I have found the sleep and perpetual tiredness that everyone loves to talk about to be severely exaggerated - you rarely hear parents actually complain about it. Yes, there will be nights when you’ll get 3h of sleep, but I’ve personally been more tired during my 20s coming home at 7 AM and proceeding to go to class at 9 AM.

I’ve never been a person who naps, and before becoming a father, I used to proudly attribute that to my love for caffeine… It took exactly 3 days of bad sleep and one nap with my son in my arms to change that. Caveman brain loves it, and will reward you with dopamine that will last for days.

In hindsight

Everyone has a checklist of things before they decide to have kids. The list often includes arbitrary assets and personal goals. You don’t need any of it, just a partner you love and want to start a family with. Trust me, kids will make you figure things out really fast.

Do not wait to have kids. I cannot stress this enough. If you do decide to wait, talk to a doctor and familiarize yourself with what that means. Know that anything above mid 30s is considered a geriatric pregnancy, and that freezing your eggs doesn’t guarantee you anything. Wait too long, and there’s a chance you might regret it - we almost did.

The world to Explore

It seems like John will take his first steps soon, his favorite thing now is to stand at the coffee table and throw everything on the floor. It’s becoming clearer that the times of him sitting around are over - the world waits for no man, and is his to explore. I don’t know what to feel, but I sense that my role over the years will transition from being less of a caretaker, and more of a guide, until he eventually leaves and hopefully starts his own family.

“A coach’s job is to inspire” were the words my old coach used to say back when I coached kids, and it rings more true than ever. Looking forward, I hope to inspire him so that whatever he does in life, he does so with joy, dedication, and maybe some brute force like his dad.